TIP: “You have to think anyway, so why not think big?” – Donald Trump

He came from nowhere and ended up … according to many … being the “man of the century.” He was born in a small Polish town, living a hard life in Nazi occupied Poland. His father was a retired army officer, but his mother died early, dying of kidney and heart failure, while his older brother died from scarlet fever. And yet he became Pope John Paul II, the 264th Pope in the history of the world … and first non-Italian Pope in 456 years.

He was a most unlikely candidate for the head of the Roman Catholic Church. So you have to wonder, how did he rise to such prominence? And what leadership lessons can we learn from this global leader who moved the world?

In the book, “Psychology of the Hero Soul,” Sharif Khan points to several lessons that we would all be wise to heed.

=> 1. Leaders are readers

By 1958, Karol Josef Wojtyla (later known as Pope John Paul II) was a professor of ethics and had two doctorate degrees. But he also studied philosophy and literature … and was well recognized as a playwright and poet.

Interestingly enough, once he earned those degrees, he didn’t stop reading. As a chaplain for university students in Krakow, Poland, he used to go on camping and kayaking trips with the students so he could counsel and mentor them. But even then, he would take an hour or more every day to get by himself, to read and reflect. Khan said, “These moments of solitude gave him a strong internal compass and the knowledge of self that is required of all great leaders.”

So how do you stack up against this reading-and-reflection criterion? When I’m out speaking, training, and consulting, I notice that most people spend too much time ON THEIR WORK and too little time ON THEMSELVES.

A year from now, you’ll be the same as today except for four things … the books you read, the classes you take, the speeches you hear, and the people you meet. At the very least, I encourage you to read an hour a day. If you were to take an hour a day … reading up on your field … or any field you choose … within a five-year period you would become an expert in your field. And people are hungering and thirsting for a leader with that kind of knowledge.

=> 2. Leaders are humble.

When Wojtyla was elected Pope in 1978, he refused the formal papal coronation in favor of a simple inauguration ceremony. And instead of speaking like the other popes prior to him, instead of using the royal “WE” term … in other words referring to himself and God as one … he spoke from his own simple “I” perspective. He wanted to be known as a servant leader and even chose the title of “Servus Servorum Dei” or “Servant of the Servants of God” rather than some CEO, Chairman of the Board, Commander in Chief, or Supreme Papal title.

If you are a leader or aspire to be one, you can learn from Wojtyla. Don’t isolate yourself in the corner office or the ivory tower. Don’t become more and more removed from your coworkers and customers with each new promotion, title, diploma, award, certificate or news clipping. Open your doors; let down your guard, and seek dialogue. As Khan pointed out, “Leadership by walking around … and talking to people and listening to their needs … earns respect and trust.”

=> 3. Leaders have heart.

When Wojtyla returned to Poland in 1979 as the Pope, he risked his life against the totalitarian Communist regime. Instead of speaking in the vague generalities and political niceties that the Communists would accept, he spoke from the heart. He urged his people to stop crawling like animals. He encouraged them to walk tall and “be not afraid.” The crowds went wild and a flame of rebellion and counter-revolution was lit in the collective consciousness of the Polish people. Wojtyla sparked the Solidarity movement for independence and freedom that eventually toppled the Communist regime.

Despite Wojtyla’s enormous intellect, he knew intellect was not enough. He knew if he wanted to win over people, he had to let down his guard, push aside his formal clerical role, and speak from the heart.

Could the same be said about you? That you lead from the heart as well as the head? If you lead from the head alone, you’ll be seen as a cold fish. And if you lead from the heart alone, you’ll be seen as a ditz without any common sense. Neither extreme works.

=> 4. Leaders are willing to forgive.

In 1983, Pope John Paul II met with Ali Agca in prison, the very man who tried to assassinate him just two years earlier. Despite several months of painful recovery, the Pope visited Agca in prison and offered forgiveness. And later, through his request, the Italian government granted clemency to Agca.

You see … highly effective leaders know we are all fallible human beings, and we all make mistakes. And one mark of a true leader is his or her willingness to forgive. As Khan so clearly says, “While there’s no excuse to keep someone who consistently fails to learn from their mistakes, the boss that fires an employee for making a big mistake is often mistaken for doing so. After all, there’s always the risk that the next person hired could potentially make the same disastrous mistake.”

By contrast, when you as a leader offer forgiveness to the employee who fouls up, that employee is unlikely to repeat the same mistake. And chances are, that employee will remain fiercely loyal to you.

=> 5. Leaders take full responsibility for their organization.

Now this is a biggie … and it’s mighty rare. We live in an age where people seem to blame everyone for everything that happens in their lives. Executives take HUGE obscene bonus checks as they drive their companies into the ground, all the time saying it wasn’t their fault. And employees say, “I just work here … or … That’s not my responsibility.”

But REAL leaders take responsibility. The day former U.S. President John F. Kennedy took full responsibility for the Bay of Pigs fiasco was the day he became a leader. The day in 2000 when Pope John Paul II apologized and took responsibility for the sins of the Catholic Church committed over the centuries was the day he became a truly respected global leader. And when he apologized and took responsibly for the sins of anti-Semitism committed by Christians, his stature went even higher.

You see … blaming is the mark of the loser. As Khan says so well, “We can make excuses or we can make progress — but we certainly can’t do both.” To be an uncommon leader, you must take full responsibility for your actions, your team, and ultimately the whole organization or cause you lead.

=>6. Leaders stand up for what they believe.

Pope John Paul II met with PLO leader Arafat, Soviet premier Gorbachev, and Cuban premier Castro. He met with the famous and the infamous, moving in circles and addressing issues that made him unpopular with some people.

But he was never one to back down. He stood up for what he believed. He had the courage of his convictions. And yet in some strange way, his inner toughness and steely resolve helped him break down walls and foster reconciliation.

Leadership is not about winning a popularity contest. It’s about being strong, firm, resolute, and taking a stand. Khan concludes, “A divided mind is weak; a united mind, clear and singular in purpose, is powerful beyond measure.”

One time John Paul II was asked if he feared retaliation from government officials. He replied, “I’m not afraid of them. They are afraid of me.”

Indeed, he relayed a message that all leaders need to echo, perhaps more today than ever before, and that is “Be not afraid!”

Action:

Put the 6 characteristics of a leader on a piece of paper, and then ask all the people on your team to rate you on those 6 characteristics.

Make it a great week!

For those interested,

Confidence is an act from within and will eventually resonate throughout that translates into success.

Be not afraid…especially during this unstable economic state.

Mike

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TIP ::

“Focus more on your desire than on your doubt, and the dream will take care of itself.”

Marcia Wieder, author

How are you living your life? There are only two ways you can do it. You can live a life of condemnation or confidence.

Peter Maughan was living a life of condemnation but learned how to turn it into confidence. As an employee of one of the greatest insurance companies in this country, he wrote to tell me, “I have been a very quiet person my entire life and have never had the drive to speak or carry on a conversation to save my life. It had not been a real problem until about 4 years ago. I have worked as a Technical Analyst in some capacity with most of that time spent working on hardware or software which did not require me to have conversations as most equipment did not talk back.”

Peter continued, “Then about 4 years ago, my boss decided to start moving the duties around in the area where I worked. I had to meet with various business areas and people. As you could imagine, I did not do well in this type of environment. After several months of this, my boss called me in and told me that I was not performing up to standard. I was being put on notice for this and could be fired if I did not improve.”

“My first reaction was to blame my boss for all of my problems. After a couple of weeks of feeling sorry for myself, I decided that I would have to change or look for a new job. I went into my boss’ office and asked for suggestions on how I could improve. My boss suggested I join a Toastmaster club. I did, and what a difference that made.”

“At first, I was very uncomfortable giving presentations. I would start sweating, get dizzy and lose focus. I don’t even remember what my first speech was about. All I remember was my knocking knees, sweaty palms, and trying not to pass out. As I went through the process of giving speeches, it got easier each time. After 2 years I was able to reach my goal of becoming a Certified Toastmaster and have set new goals to continue giving speeches.”

“I am now part of conversations and not sitting on the sidelines. I lead several technical teams on several different efforts. I am no longer afraid to talk to people and can carry on a conversation. I still have a long way to go, but my wife is totally amazed at the change that I have made. She claims that I am not the same person that she married.”

Peter learned how to move from condemnation to confidence. Have you? Let me suggest five steps you might want to take.

=> 1. Understand the two killers of confidence.

The first one is UNRESOLVED GUILT. If you’ve done some things you’re not proud of … or if you’ve failed to tackle some of the opportunities that have come your way … you may have feelings of guilt about that. And if you keep it inside, you’re going to feel miserable and be powerless.

I was reminded of that when I saw a sign in an auto repair shop. It said, “A clean engine produces more power.” Well that’s true. But it’s also true for human beings.

Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, the author of all the Sherlock Holmes stories, played a prank one day to see how guilt can influence people. He sent a note to 12 prominent Englishmen … the same note … that simply said, “All is found out. Flee at once.” And within 24 hours, 8 of those men left the country. They were dealing with some unresolved guilt.

And the second thing that will kill off your confidence is UNREALISTIC EXPECTATIONS. You might call it perfectionism … the belief that you must be flawless, perfect, please everyone, and feel guilty if you relax.

If this sounds like you, some of your favorite phrases are probably such things as “I must … I have to … and … I ought.” You always feel the need to do more and achieve more.

You see … if you’re a regular person with a To-Do list with five things, at the end of the day you may say, “I finished 3 of those items, made some progress on another item, but didn’t get anywhere on the last item.” But you go home and feel okay about your progress. By contrast, a perfectionist has 29 things on his To-Do list, gets 28 of them done, and goes home feeling like a failure.

So how can you replace condemnation with confidence?

One of my esteemed customers, Bill Pence, has an answer. He’s in the Enterprise Services and Support Skill Center for an insurance company. He says, “I’ve been profoundly impacted by the importance of attitude in successful people, not only in the workplace, but outside of the workplace as well. I believe the most significant decision I can make on a day-to-day basis is my choice of attitude.”

I agree. So how do you get that attitude of confidence?

=> 2. Forgive yourself.

Everybody makes mistakes. Everybody!!!

The difference is … champions look at their mistakes, learn from their mistakes, forgive themselves, and move on. As first-lady Eleanor Roosevelt said, when asked how she accomplished so much, “I never waste time with regrets.”

By contrast, losers stare at their mistakes … and stare and stare and stare. They don’t move on. They’re stuck in self-condemnation.

Well let me tell you … it won’t help you one bit to keep on berating yourself, punishing yourself, or hating yourself for the mistakes you’ve made. In fact, the MORE you put yourself down, the LESS likely it is that you will ever have a happy life or a productive career.

Self-condemnation is like driving your car by looking in the rear-view mirror. You’re going to run into more problems.

As Dr. Bev Smallwood says, “The rear-view mirror is much smaller than the windshield for a good reason. Their size is in proportion to the amount of time the driver should spend looking at them. Yes, you need to glance at the rear view to see what’s coming up behind you. However, the majority of your driving time must be spent looking ahead, keeping your eyes on where you’re headed – not where you’ve been.”

So how do you get past self-condemnation? How can you learn to forgive yourself? Use a confidence-building affirmation. In her book, “This Wasn’t Supposed To Happen To Me,” Smallwood suggests telling yourself, “This day, I release myself from the burden of self-condemnation and destructive guilt. I withdraw from the internal conversations with the voice that reminds me of my shortcomings and past mistakes. I respect myself, even when I’ve lost status or failed to achieve what I thought I should.”

And then …

=> 3. Give yourself encouragement.

Now that might sound strange, but it’s the same thing you probably did with your kids when they were learning to walk. You encouraged them. And you need to encourage yourself.

When my daughter was learning to walk, for example, she would take a step and stumble. She’d get back up; take two steps, then trip and fall. She’d take another step and fall backwards. And so on for the longest time.

Do you think I yelled at her when she stumbled? Of course not. I never said, “What are you doing? … Get back up on your feet, young lady! … How dumb can you be? … Zimmermans don’t stumble. We have more pride and dignity than that! … Get up! … No more of that falling-down stuff! … You can do better!”

I didn’t do that to my kids, and you didn’t either. But the strange thing is … that’s how we often treat ourselves. We give ourselves disrespectful commands rather than encouragement. That’s got to stop.

As a parent, you didn’t wait for your kids to grow up and become successful before you loved them. You loved them every step of the way. Well … it’s time to apply the same lesson to yourself. Encourage yourself.

And then …

=> 4. Eliminate negative self-talk.

There’s an old proverb that says, “Be careful how you think. Your life is shaped by your thoughts.”

True. Your thoughts determine your feelings, and your feelings determine your actions. So you’ve got to control the way you think … or the way you talk to yourself.

And all of us are talking to ourselves all the time. In fact, some researchers estimate that we’re talking to ourselves at the rate of 1300 words per minute, most of it unconscious, and much of it critical. We’re telling ourselves, “These pants are getting so tight … I’ll never have any money … I can’t take any more griping from that customer … and … I won’t get that promotion … etc.”

If you catch yourself doing negative self-talk, tell yourself forcefully, “Stop it. Now just stop it.” And with repetition, you will stop thinking those self-limiting, confidence-destroying negatives.

Don’t be like the young boy who came home from school and said, “Dad, I think I flunked my arithmetic test.”

His Dad replied, “Don’t say that. That’s negative. Be positive.”

The boy answered, “Okay, Dad, I’m positive I flunked my arithmetic test.

And finally, in your journey to greater confidence …

=> 5. Quit trying to please everyone.

It’s a dangerous way to live … to be too concerned with what other people think about you … because it allows them to control you. And that’s not healthy.

But it’s also a foolish way to live … because you’re going to fail. You’re not going to please everybody … no matter what you do. Even God can’t please everybody, so it’s foolish to think you can do what God can’t.

Besides that, if you spend too much time trying to figure out what other people want you to become, and then try to become that kind of person, you forget who you really are. And there’s no way you can be somebody else and have a healthy, confident self-esteem at the same time.

Helene Johnson commented on that. She’s the Executive Director of Government Training Services and one of my customers for more than twenty years. When I asked for her advice on success, on what it takes to be truly successful, she said, “Be yourself, because everyone else is taken!” How profound.

You can’t please everyone … and you don’t even need to.

You see … there’s a myth going around that says, “I must have the love, respect and appreciation of others to be happy.” Not true. Rejection will NOT ruin your life. Oh sure, it will hurt. It’s not fun. It’s very uncomfortable, but rejection on the job or at home will not ruin your life unless you let it. As Eleanor Roosevelt so often said, “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”

ACTION:

Focus on the area where you need the most improvement this week … using too much negative self-talk or trying to please everyone. Try to go for an hour, then 6 hours, then a half day, and then a full day without falling into that bad habit.

Make it a great week!

For those interested,   Sometimes, we just need a little breather.  Please read beyond the words to fully grasp the message.   Balance is the key…   Mike

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Stress

A lecturer when explaining stress management to an audience,
Raised a glass of water and asked
‘How heavy is this glass of water?’

Answers called out ranged from 20g to 500g.

The lecturer replied, ‘The absolute weight doesn’t matter.
It depends on how long you try to hold it.

If I hold it for a minute, that’s not a problem.
If I hold it for an hour, I’ll have an ache in my right arm.
If I hold it for a day, you’ll have to call an ambulance.

In each case, it’s the same weight, but the longer I hold it, the heavier it becomes.’

He continued,

‘And that’s the way it is with stress management.

If we carry our burdens all the time, sooner or later,

As the burden becomes increasingly heavy,

We won’t be able to carry on. ‘

‘As with the glass of water,

You have to put it down for a while and rest before holding it again.

When we’re refreshed, we can carry on with the burden.’

‘So, before you return home tonight, put the burden of work down.

Don’t carry it home.

You can pick it up tomorrow.

Whatever burdens you’re carrying now,

Let them down for a moment if you can.’

So, my friend, Put down anything that may be a burden to you right now…

Don’t pick it up again until after you’ve rested a while.

Here are some great ways of dealing with the burdens of life:

* Accept that some days you’re the pigeon,
And some days you’re the statue.

* Always keep your words soft and sweet,
Just in case you have to eat them.

* Always wear stuff that will make you look good
If you die in the middle of it.
* Drive carefully. It’s not only cars that can be
Recalled by their maker.

* If you can’t be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.

* If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again,
It was probably worth it.

* It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to be kind to others.

* Never put both feet in your mouth at the same time,
Because then you won’t have a leg to stand on.

* Nobody cares if you can’t dance well.
Just get up and dance.

* Since it’s the early worm that gets eaten by the bird, sleep late.

* The second mouse gets the cheese.

* When everything’s coming your way,
You’re in the wrong lane.

* Birthdays are good for you.
The more you have, the longer you live.

* You may be only one person in the world,
But you may also be the world to one person.

* Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once.

* We could learn a lot from crayons….. Some are sharp, some are pretty and some are dull. Some have weird names, and all are different colors, but they all have to live in the same box.

*A truly happy person is one who can enjoy the scenery on a detour.

Have an awesome day and know that someone has thought about you today…I did.

Dear uNAVSA community,

As I am sure many of you have already heard, Anh “Joseph” Cao defeated the incumbent congressional representative from Louisiana, William Jefferson.  He is the first Vietnamese-American to hold a seat in Congress.  Cao’s election marks a proud and defining moment in our history with American politics.  How fitting his victory comes shortly after a major crossroads in American history, with Barack Obama’s election to the presidency.  In the context of the campaign messages we have heard about the hope and the change we wish to see in this country, it is refreshing and encouraging to see meritocracy as an important value.  With the pride our community is feeling right now in the wake of Cao’s victory, we must also remember and celebrate his path to Election Day.

“[My father] told me to study hard, to work hard and to give back to your country and to your community,” Cao said.  “The American dream is well and alive.”  (CNN)

With that simple statement, he underscores the attitude that we have in our individual ability to breakdown barriers.  But more importantly, that we do not wait for others to break them down for us.  Phrases that we’ve used in previous themes, like “Sharing our Past, Shaping our Future” from uNAVSA-5 in Portland, OR and “This generation is OUR generation” have such powerful implications and meanings.  As the next generation of movers and shakers, it is our responsibility to make sure those profound sayings do not become mere taglines thrown around.  Congratulations to Rep. Anh “Joseph” Cao on his election, and for helping pave the foundation for future Vietnamese-Americans “to give back to our country and to our community”.

http://www.usatoday.com/news/washington/2008-12-07-noelection_N.htm
http://www.cnn.com/2008/POLITICS/12/07/louisiana.cao/

Brian Vo
uNAVSA President